Hi, thank you for your response. It was well-written and very thoughtful; however, I do feel the need to address a few points. First, yes, I do reject absolutely the concept of submissiveness, for reasons I’ll outline below. I didn’t say that Kirk Cameron encouraged men to beat their wives. He did say, however, that the wife should submit regardless of how she was being treated — and he did not go on to add, “Unless, of course, she is being beaten, raped, or verbally abused.” In addition, he has been quoted as saying that a wife has no impact on a marriage.
He does seem for all intents and purposes to be very loving towards his wife, and I am certainly not accusing him of being an abuser. It is simply that, in the wrong hands, the tenet of submissiveness has been used to justify the abuse and even the murder of women. As someone who has worked with domestic violence and rape victims, and who has written extensively on this subject, I have seen it again and again. Also, when a beloved cousin of mine was stalked and murdered by an ex-boyfriend, several Christian members of our community said that she had it coming; she was a divorcee with kids and they said she shouldn’t have been dating. As a non-submissive woman, murder was considered her retribution. Another case in point: I read about a woman with an ill daughter, whose husband ordered that hertreatments be stopped. The girl died, but her mom said that — as a submissive wife — she had to submit to his wishes.
As I noted in my article, I have worked with Christians and Christian groups who have done fabulous work in the fight against domestic and sexual violence. One of my best friends is a cloistered nun, and another very important person in my life is a spiritual healer. I know of some devoted Christians who have rejected the tenet of submissiveness because, frankly, it’s dangerous.
In a truly equal relationship, where people discuss and debate their issues, there is no need for one to have the last word. In some cases, she’ll know more about the subject; in other cases, he’ll know more. I do not feel that one partner should have to submit to the other.
As to your points regarding paternity leave for men and related issues, I couldn’t agree more. And I once wrote a comprehensive paper titled The Malice of the Myth, regarding rape myths that hinder victims. I wrote two special sections devoted to male rape victims; those who are raped by other men, and those who are raped by women. I pointed out that, when a woman rapes a man, it is not a joke and it is a very serious crime.
In regards to your correction; I have a good friend who knows Kirk’s mother, and she seems to be a devout Christian lady. In regards to the trivia fact; I have read about the stand in and I think that’s beautiful. It is sad, though, that he apparently had a woman kicked from the cast of Growing Pains because she posed for Playboy.
